Transcripts of black_hole_safety_video_final_720p_for_captions

[00:00:00.00] [music throughout] Narrator: So you want to visit a black hole. You’ve packed your bags, you've
[00:00:04.00] updated your passport, and you’re basically ready to jump on a spaceship and blast off.
[00:00:08.00] However, before you do that, I have just one piece of advice: Don’t.
[00:00:12.00] [sound effects: Alien walking out from behind word]
[00:00:16.00] [sound effects: Alien walking, pulling out flag] Narrator: Ok…if you really MUST go,
[00:00:20.00] I suppose you should at least know a few things about black holes before you leave.
[00:00:24.00] First, you should know exactly what a black hole IS. A black hole is a
[00:00:28.00] physical object in space, just like everything else. It’s made up of a tiny but massive
[00:00:32.00] point where gravity and density are infinite, a line beyond which everything, [ONSCREEN TEXT: “Singularity”]
[00:00:36.00] Including light, can only fall INTO that tiny point, and sometimes some glowing stuff orbiting around it [ONSCREEN TEXT: “Event Horizon”]
[00:00:40.00] and maybe some radiation. So basically, here [ONSCREEN TEXT: “Accretion Disk” and “Radiation Cones”]
[00:00:44.00] Is kinda bad, here is really bad, and here is safe. [SCENE DESCRIPTION: “kinda bad” pointers aim at radiation cones, “really bad” pointers aim at event horizon and center of black hole, and “safe” is everywhere else]
[00:00:48.00] Also, black holes mostly come in two sizes. Don’t ask me why—we still aren’t sure. <>
[00:00:52.00] However, a black hole is also NOT a lot of things.
[00:00:56.00] It is not a hole, a cosmic vacuum cleaner, a portal to another
[00:01:00.00] dimension populated by unicorns and space potatoes, and absolutely NOT
[00:01:04.00] a good place to vacation. [postcard showing the singularity is on-screen and is quickly crossed out]
[00:01:08.00] Ok, fine. I guess next you’ll need to know how to FIND a black hole.
[00:01:12.00] Though technically black holes could just sneak up behind you, they likely won’t. The nearest
[00:01:16.00] known one is 3,000 light-years away anyway. However, if you WERE to go looking
[00:01:20.00] for one, there are a couple of good ways to find them. First, black holes
[00:01:24.00] tend to mess with their environments, so you can sometimes use interesting clues, such as
[00:01:28.00] A bunch of stuff orbiting what appears to be…nothing. [ONSCREEN TEXT: “Orbiting Stars”]
[00:01:32.00] And second, as we mentioned before, there’s often glowing stuff orbiting around them, caused by, well,
[00:01:36.00] when things get too close. So now that you’ve FOUND a black hole
[00:01:40.00] and CLEARLY aren’t listening to me saying not to go, it’s time for a few important
[00:01:44.00] safety considerations. First of all, the GOOD news is that [ONSCREEN TEXT: “Fig. 1: Safe Zones”]
[00:01:48.00] as long as you stay far away, black holes aren’t all that bad. [ONSCREEN TEXT: “Safe” marking most of the screen, with “Not Safe” indicating tiny area around the black hole]
[00:01:52.00] However, as you get close, you need to keep a few things in mind. The radiation near the black hole [ONSCREEN TEXT: “Fig. 2: Be Careful!”]
[00:01:56.00] can be extremely deadly, the chances of escape get slimmer the closer you get, [ONSCREEN TEXT: “Safe” label showing paths away from the black hole, and “No!” label showing paths toward the black hole]
[00:02:00.00] and, if you get close enough, you now have to worry about being stretched into a giant noodle
[00:02:04.00] and time getting really weird. So, unless you have great radiation shields, [ONSCREEN TEXT: “Fig 3: Unrealistic Solutions”]
[00:02:08.00] a faster-than-light spaceship, or you’re completely indestructible, you should probably
[00:02:12.00] just stay away. Well, that pretty much sums up black holes—
[00:02:16.00] at least, before things start getting really complicated. But, before you go for real,
[00:02:20.00] please refer to the handy brochure in your spacesuit pocket, since there’s quite a bit to remember.
[00:02:24.00] Now then, remember your tickets, enjoy your trip, and please…
[00:02:28.00] …be careful. [music ends]
[00:02:32.00] [silence]