WEBVTT FILE 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.000 [music throughout] Narrator: So you want to visit a black hole. You’ve packed your bags, you've 2 00:00:04.000 --> 00:00:08.000 updated your passport, and you’re basically ready to jump on a spaceship and blast off. 3 00:00:08.000 --> 00:00:12.000 However, before you do that, I have just one piece of advice: Don’t. 4 00:00:12.000 --> 00:00:16.000 [sound effects: Alien walking out from behind word] 5 00:00:16.000 --> 00:00:20.000 [sound effects: Alien walking, pulling out flag] Narrator: Ok…if you really MUST go, 6 00:00:20.000 --> 00:00:24.000 I suppose you should at least know a few things about black holes before you leave. 7 00:00:24.000 --> 00:00:28.000 First, you should know exactly what a black hole IS. A black hole is a 8 00:00:28.000 --> 00:00:32.000 physical object in space, just like everything else. It’s made up of a tiny but massive 9 00:00:32.000 --> 00:00:36.000 point where gravity and density are infinite, a line beyond which everything, [ONSCREEN TEXT: “Singularity”] 10 00:00:36.000 --> 00:00:40.000 Including light, can only fall INTO that tiny point, and sometimes some glowing stuff orbiting around it [ONSCREEN TEXT: “Event Horizon”] 11 00:00:40.000 --> 00:00:44.000 and maybe some radiation. So basically, here [ONSCREEN TEXT: “Accretion Disk” and “Radiation Cones”] 12 00:00:44.000 --> 00:00:48.000 Is kinda bad, here is really bad, and here is safe. [SCENE DESCRIPTION: “kinda bad” pointers aim at radiation cones, “really bad” pointers aim at event horizon and center of black hole, and “safe” is everywhere else] 13 00:00:48.000 --> 00:00:52.000 Also, black holes mostly come in two sizes. Don’t ask me why—we still aren’t sure. <> 14 00:00:52.000 --> 00:00:56.000 However, a black hole is also NOT a lot of things. 15 00:00:56.000 --> 00:01:00.000 It is not a hole, a cosmic vacuum cleaner, a portal to another 16 00:01:00.000 --> 00:01:04.000 dimension populated by unicorns and space potatoes, and absolutely NOT 17 00:01:04.000 --> 00:01:08.000 a good place to vacation. [postcard showing the singularity is on-screen and is quickly crossed out] 18 00:01:08.000 --> 00:01:12.000 Ok, fine. I guess next you’ll need to know how to FIND a black hole. 19 00:01:12.000 --> 00:01:16.000 Though technically black holes could just sneak up behind you, they likely won’t. The nearest 20 00:01:16.000 --> 00:01:20.000 known one is 3,000 light-years away anyway. However, if you WERE to go looking 21 00:01:20.000 --> 00:01:24.000 for one, there are a couple of good ways to find them. First, black holes 22 00:01:24.000 --> 00:01:28.000 tend to mess with their environments, so you can sometimes use interesting clues, such as 23 00:01:28.000 --> 00:01:32.000 A bunch of stuff orbiting what appears to be…nothing. [ONSCREEN TEXT: “Orbiting Stars”] 24 00:01:32.000 --> 00:01:36.000 And second, as we mentioned before, there’s often glowing stuff orbiting around them, caused by, well, 25 00:01:36.000 --> 00:01:40.000 when things get too close. So now that you’ve FOUND a black hole 26 00:01:40.000 --> 00:01:44.000 and CLEARLY aren’t listening to me saying not to go, it’s time for a few important 27 00:01:44.000 --> 00:01:48.000 safety considerations. First of all, the GOOD news is that [ONSCREEN TEXT: “Fig. 1: Safe Zones”] 28 00:01:48.000 --> 00:01:52.000 as long as you stay far away, black holes aren’t all that bad. [ONSCREEN TEXT: “Safe” marking most of the screen, with “Not Safe” indicating tiny area around the black hole] 29 00:01:52.000 --> 00:01:56.000 However, as you get close, you need to keep a few things in mind. The radiation near the black hole [ONSCREEN TEXT: “Fig. 2: Be Careful!”] 30 00:01:56.000 --> 00:02:00.000 can be extremely deadly, the chances of escape get slimmer the closer you get, [ONSCREEN TEXT: “Safe” label showing paths away from the black hole, and “No!” label showing paths toward the black hole] 31 00:02:00.000 --> 00:02:04.000 and, if you get close enough, you now have to worry about being stretched into a giant noodle 32 00:02:04.000 --> 00:02:08.000 and time getting really weird. So, unless you have great radiation shields, [ONSCREEN TEXT: “Fig 3: Unrealistic Solutions”] 33 00:02:08.000 --> 00:02:12.000 a faster-than-light spaceship, or you’re completely indestructible, you should probably 34 00:02:12.000 --> 00:02:16.000 just stay away. Well, that pretty much sums up black holes— 35 00:02:16.000 --> 00:02:20.000 at least, before things start getting really complicated. But, before you go for real, 36 00:02:20.000 --> 00:02:24.000 please refer to the handy brochure in your spacesuit pocket, since there’s quite a bit to remember. 37 00:02:24.000 --> 00:02:28.000 Now then, remember your tickets, enjoy your trip, and please… 38 00:02:28.000 --> 00:02:32.000 …be careful. [music ends] 39 00:02:32.000 --> 00:02:39.744 [silence]